Wow From July 3, 2008 - Thursday

Wow! These days I just can't believe the things I hear, the things I see, the things I unfortunately count myself a part of. I've never been more disappointed in certain people in my life.

You think your life is a good reflection of what you want it to portray; you take the time to invest in people, you speak love & truth in their life, you don't judge or throw accusations, and you give and you give and you give. All for what!?! To see at the end of the day that stupid rebellious IMMATURE desires succeed over all you have done for certain people.....

I've learned over time you can't trust people; that the only one you should fully trust is Christ. I can see the hesitation in people in not wanting to trust and I understand that, but sometimes you have to take a little risk, open up your heart, talk to people, and give them a chance to be trusted. The best way to trust someone is to earn their trust in you. Speaking love to someone's face then talking negatively about them behind their back doesn't earn trust. I've learned my lessons time and time again. When I don't like someone or someone has hurt me it's hard for me to speak positively about them, but I've come to the realization over the last month that no matter how hurt or angry I am I need to keep my mouth shut. Me keep my mouth shut…hahaha…that's tough, but I'm learning.....

I think at this point I'm done investing in certain people and thinking they hold great potential of one day accomplishing the things they speak of and want. I challenge them to prove to me they hold greatness in their heart and I challenge them to prove to me they are better than the life they live now and I challenge them to prove to me they are better than the words they speak. Because right now they are only as good as the example they are to each other. Right now it probably seems fun, crazy, rebellious, and they don't care. Maybe they'll never care and maybe one day they'll grow up. .

And fake people….we all know what I think about fake people. What I love most is when fake people say they know other fake people so well and they aren't fooled…well look in the mirror; take a good hard look at yourself. If you want to be real be real, if you want to be fake be fake. Just like it says in the Bible there is no lukewarm; it's hot or cold. You want to be a part of church & love God & love people then do it; if you want to ride the fence well then "good luck" to you on that fulfilling fence.

Am I being harsh? Maybe so. Am I being honest? Yep. Do I care? Yes I really do. Am I tired of people around me? Sure am. Am I tired of people always coming to me about their dumb drama or gossip? If you have something bad to say about someone say it to their face & quit coming to me about it.

Right now I could be a bit more compassionate and loving and I'm sure God is probably disappointed in my response to disappointment, but you know what sometimes harsh honest words penetrate deeper than sugar coated compassion.

I will say this; I know first hand I am NOT perfect, but I don't pretend I am. I don't hide or cover up the things I do or lie about them. I listen to secular music, I watch tv & movies that others wouldn't watch, I do a lot of things that others might look down upon or feel convicted for doing but I NEVER do any of those things if I know I would be comprising my love for Christ or comprising the witness I strive to be daily. I LOVE JESUS CHRIST, HE'S THE ONE I LIVE FOR, and there are no ifs, ands, or butts about it. I'm not rebellious or disrespectful in the things I do either. But then again I am 26 years old; wiser and more mature than others. I don't deny I had my days of rebellious "fun", but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't fully regret the lack of difference I made in the lives of my friends around me. If I had someone to help guide me and tell me how much I would regret the things I did when I was younger I can't tell you how thankful I'd be, yet at the same time I think I love Christ more b/c of all the things I've been through and how much He's forgiven me. He is the most amazing thing to happen in anyone's life ever and I hope none of you miss out.