A stirring within.... From January 16, 2008 - Wednesday

Lord there is so much on my heart.....God what are you stirring in me?!?!?

So much in my life is changing right now and it's exciting, unsettling, and just overall crazy. But through all the madness going on I just feel God stirring in me.

I'm getting married in 4 ½ months and yes, that's a huge change; but that seems to be the only constant thing right now. I could never be more sure of spending the rest of my life with Jordan. He's the best thing that God has given me and I couldn't be happier. God has blessed our relationship so much more than I thought. We sure have had our tough times and our moments where we've questioned what God was doing in us, but God has proven to us time and time again that if we are faithful to Him he'll work every detail in our relationship out according to His will.

So God...what is it that you are stirring up in me!?! You know my heart; you know I'm frustrated, you know I'm hurt, you know that I want so much more out of people and church and everything.....You know I want change and passion and desire for myself, but more for the people around me. Is that it? Is that what you're doing in me?

I'm trying to look past the fact the people in my life are human, they aren't perfect, they make mistakes; they will fail me, hurt me, betray me, lie to me, deceive me, turn their back on me....but why does it hurt so much. Why can't I just stop looking to man and just look to you? Why do I let these people hurt me and turn my heart hard towards things? Why do I let these people shape who I am? Why do I let them influence what church is supposed to be like? Why do I let them make me question how real You are in our church?

God take my focus off man, take my mind off the things of this world that get me down, and help me to just trust completely in You. You are the only one who can change hearts and lives and make people new. You are the only one who can bring our church back to a place of desperation for You. And God, You are the only one that can use me to make a difference. God help me to help change this world; help me to help change hearts and lives for You; help me to be a better example of who You are. God rise up within me the undying burning passion to see greatness now, not later, but now. I can't rely on anyone else, it starts with me.

People just don't get it anymore. They come to church, do the song and dance, and think that's all there is to it. Then they complain about what's going on with who, what, and where, but what are they doing to make a difference. Nothing. They sit and talk and do the same thing they do every week. Why aren't they begging for more of you? Why aren't they crying out to you in desperation for change? Why do they act like they care, but don't do anything to make a difference? Why!?! I'm so sick of it all....I'm so tired of it...I want change.

Take the anger within me and replace it with passion.....God change me so I can change the world around me. Rise up warriors around me to take a stand for You and to take a stand to pray for change, to pray for greatness, to pray for realness....to pray for true and honest men and women of God. Wake us up God! We are sleeping and we are letting time pass us by and we are watching the lost die without making an effort to reach them. You have called us to do great things and God I want nothing less than that. I'm here; ready, waiting, and crying out to you for more. Use me!

Bring The Rain LyricsMercyMe

I can count a million timesPeople asking me how ICan praise You with all that I've gone throughThe question just amazes meCan circumstances possiblyChange who I forever am in YouMaybe since my life was changedLong before these rainy daysIt's never really ever crossed my mindTo turn my back on you, oh LordMy only shelter from the stormBut instead I draw closer through these timesSo I prayBring me joy, bring me peaceBring the chance to be freeBring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me painBut if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rainI am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me what's a little rain