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Trust

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

My Cousin From Thursday October 16, 2008

Yesterday I lost a good friend, an amazing cousin, and someone who brought sparkle to my life. I never knew that someone’s heart could seriously ache this much. I’ve honestly never felt pain like this. I haven’t cried this much; I haven’t been this sad….it’s just crazy how much you feel when you lose someone so close to you. Someone so young, so happy, so full of life, someone who’s future seemed great, someone who deserves to still be here. This honestly is harder than when I lost my grandpa. I knew my grandpa was ready to go home and I knew his life had been lived to the fullest. Blake didn’t get that chance, but I know he’s ok and he’s up there with grandpa looking over our family now. In feeling all that I’ve been feeling the last 2 days I just feel like I want to make sure that I get the chance to tell each of you that I love you so much and remind you how much you mean to me. I didn’t get a chance to tell my cousin how much I loved him and I’m much he meant to me before he left. I’m not going to take for granted the time I have with each of you and miss out on telling you that. So, if I don’t say enough or you forget…..I love you.

http://www.etruth.com/Know/News/Story.aspx?ID=464373

Wedding Pictures

http://vibephotography.net/gallery/login.php

LOGIN: 053108
PASSWORD: eternity

Wow From July 3, 2008 - Thursday

Wow! These days I just can't believe the things I hear, the things I see, the things I unfortunately count myself a part of. I've never been more disappointed in certain people in my life.

You think your life is a good reflection of what you want it to portray; you take the time to invest in people, you speak love & truth in their life, you don't judge or throw accusations, and you give and you give and you give. All for what!?! To see at the end of the day that stupid rebellious IMMATURE desires succeed over all you have done for certain people.....

I've learned over time you can't trust people; that the only one you should fully trust is Christ. I can see the hesitation in people in not wanting to trust and I understand that, but sometimes you have to take a little risk, open up your heart, talk to people, and give them a chance to be trusted. The best way to trust someone is to earn their trust in you. Speaking love to someone's face then talking negatively about them behind their back doesn't earn trust. I've learned my lessons time and time again. When I don't like someone or someone has hurt me it's hard for me to speak positively about them, but I've come to the realization over the last month that no matter how hurt or angry I am I need to keep my mouth shut. Me keep my mouth shut…hahaha…that's tough, but I'm learning.....

I think at this point I'm done investing in certain people and thinking they hold great potential of one day accomplishing the things they speak of and want. I challenge them to prove to me they hold greatness in their heart and I challenge them to prove to me they are better than the life they live now and I challenge them to prove to me they are better than the words they speak. Because right now they are only as good as the example they are to each other. Right now it probably seems fun, crazy, rebellious, and they don't care. Maybe they'll never care and maybe one day they'll grow up. .

And fake people….we all know what I think about fake people. What I love most is when fake people say they know other fake people so well and they aren't fooled…well look in the mirror; take a good hard look at yourself. If you want to be real be real, if you want to be fake be fake. Just like it says in the Bible there is no lukewarm; it's hot or cold. You want to be a part of church & love God & love people then do it; if you want to ride the fence well then "good luck" to you on that fulfilling fence.

Am I being harsh? Maybe so. Am I being honest? Yep. Do I care? Yes I really do. Am I tired of people around me? Sure am. Am I tired of people always coming to me about their dumb drama or gossip? If you have something bad to say about someone say it to their face & quit coming to me about it.

Right now I could be a bit more compassionate and loving and I'm sure God is probably disappointed in my response to disappointment, but you know what sometimes harsh honest words penetrate deeper than sugar coated compassion.

I will say this; I know first hand I am NOT perfect, but I don't pretend I am. I don't hide or cover up the things I do or lie about them. I listen to secular music, I watch tv & movies that others wouldn't watch, I do a lot of things that others might look down upon or feel convicted for doing but I NEVER do any of those things if I know I would be comprising my love for Christ or comprising the witness I strive to be daily. I LOVE JESUS CHRIST, HE'S THE ONE I LIVE FOR, and there are no ifs, ands, or butts about it. I'm not rebellious or disrespectful in the things I do either. But then again I am 26 years old; wiser and more mature than others. I don't deny I had my days of rebellious "fun", but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't fully regret the lack of difference I made in the lives of my friends around me. If I had someone to help guide me and tell me how much I would regret the things I did when I was younger I can't tell you how thankful I'd be, yet at the same time I think I love Christ more b/c of all the things I've been through and how much He's forgiven me. He is the most amazing thing to happen in anyone's life ever and I hope none of you miss out.

To the most amazing man I knew.... From April 2, 2008 - Wednesday

When I think of people who inspire me and help shape me the most one of the first people that comes to my mind is my grandpa. What an amazing man....what an amazing true and pure example of Christ, what a wonderful grandpa and what a fighter. He was amazing and loved his family and people more than anyone I’ve ever seen.I could write a book on the greatness of my grandpa, Chuck Smith, but right now it’s just too hard.....Today I lost my grandpa to Leukemia but today I gained the best guardian angel. Papo, I love you so much more than you will ever know and I’ll miss you so much that I can hardly breath right now. You sure did make me proud....you made me the proudest granddaughter in the world.I love you and I’ll miss you so much.....keep an eye on us. ;) I promise I’ll make YOU proud.

Life....man it’s overwhelming at times. From March 7, 2008 - Friday

Do you ever feel like life is just SO overwhelming that it's hard to even breathe? Even though you know that you have everything in your life to be thankful for and there is no reason for you to be down and out…..???..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

This week has just been a week where no matter how much I try to lay it all at the feet of Christ I just can't kick this aching that's going on in me.

Maybe I just need to let it all…maybe I just need to talk to someone….maybe I just need to take a day and just relax….maybe I just need a Valium! Hahaha…just kidding. I just don't know.

There's just so much going on. ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jordan's grandma is not doing and honestly she really isn't expected to live much longer if she doesn't eat or drink which she's not doing much of. Then my grandpa isn't doing well and they told us yesterday they think he might make it through the weekend but not much longer after that. Then there just feels like there is still so much to do with the wedding. Then there's still so much to pay for the wedding. Then there are work issues and other financial issues. Then there's stuff with church and church people that has been weighing on my heart. My week is pre martial counseling, practice, youth, go visit our grandparents, run this errand or that errand, do this or that for the wedding, get this done or that done…..ah! Then I've been so run down that I keep getting sick. Dumb flu, then a cold, then a sore throat….then I can't sleep at night b/c I'm so stressed out so I can't get the rest I need to get better. Normally I of all people can handle anything…..it's my nature to run run run and be busy but right now it's just too much. People tell me "well slow down"….how? There is nothing that I can take a break from or what to take a break from. Everything going on in my life right now needs my full attention….

And then there's times when I feel like even in the midst of my crazy life I go out of my way for people to let them know I'm there for them….send them cards, send an out of the blue email or ecard, get them flowers, or buy them small gifts. That's me; I care a lot about people and I care a lot about making sure the people in my life are doing ok. But sometimes I feel like I give and give and give and when does anyone do that for me…..when does someone check on me; when does someone go out of their way for me. Man….I'm such a brat right now, but sometimes you just have to vent, right? ;)

This week is just one of those weeks where I'm just tired and overwhelmed and frustrated…..and I just need to vent I guess.

I know that God is amazing and I know He'll never give me more than I can handle. I know that through all this He will teach me great things. I guess I just need to stop being a brat and just look harder to see Him in all of this.

Passion that needs to be shared.... From February 21, 2008 - Thursday

To my loved ones.....
I'm sending a blog that Jordan (my fiancé) wrote today; why do you ask....well because is passion that I think needs to be shared.
I have been around passionate people, I have been around impacting people, I have been around people who can speak truth into my life, and I've seen all great things from them and I have strived to be like each of them. However, there is something about Jordan's passion these days that gets me more fired up than ever before. He has a true passion to love the people around him and to change the world around him. It's people like him and passion like that that brings others to a point of question..."Am I that passionate? And if not, I should be!"
I can tell him over and over how proud of him I am, how I'm lucky to soon be his wife, how he makes me a better person, and how his passion is life changing for me, but I think the best way I can show him how much it means to me is to be as passionate about reaching lost and hurting people.
Jordan preached his second message last night about LOVE....such a common word, but yet the true meaning sometimes gets forgotten. What he spoke stuck to me....it went straight to my heart....and I realized....I need to speak, walk, breathe and live love to everyone I come in contact with. Reaching people for Christ may not be the easiest thing, but loving them is. Loving them is what He's called us to do....to love each other like He loves us. Think about it....it's really not that hard.
So, thank you baby for reminding me how simple spreading the LOVE of Christ can be. I choose today to be as passionate as you are about reaching people, loving people, and making a difference in the world around me. I love you.

Love & Hope
Our mission is to love and be loved. What we often miss is that our words have an impact on individuals, nations, communities, and ourselves. Listen hear to this if we speak love and life we (this generation) will see a revolution happen. If this is our world, we need to love it for all that's inside itLet there be no more wars, death or riotsThere'd be no more police, packed parking lots, guns, bombs sounding off.I know that you have it within each and everyone of you. You're voice can impact the world around you. Take this lyric from Angels and Airwaves..."watch our words spread HOPE like fire!" God is asking...who is ready for a change...to turn this world upside down?
-I am! Simple as that.
Jordan Kerns

Micah 6:6-8
6 How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? 7 Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? 8 But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously - take God seriously.

A stirring within.... From January 16, 2008 - Wednesday

Lord there is so much on my heart.....God what are you stirring in me?!?!?

So much in my life is changing right now and it's exciting, unsettling, and just overall crazy. But through all the madness going on I just feel God stirring in me.

I'm getting married in 4 ½ months and yes, that's a huge change; but that seems to be the only constant thing right now. I could never be more sure of spending the rest of my life with Jordan. He's the best thing that God has given me and I couldn't be happier. God has blessed our relationship so much more than I thought. We sure have had our tough times and our moments where we've questioned what God was doing in us, but God has proven to us time and time again that if we are faithful to Him he'll work every detail in our relationship out according to His will.

So God...what is it that you are stirring up in me!?! You know my heart; you know I'm frustrated, you know I'm hurt, you know that I want so much more out of people and church and everything.....You know I want change and passion and desire for myself, but more for the people around me. Is that it? Is that what you're doing in me?

I'm trying to look past the fact the people in my life are human, they aren't perfect, they make mistakes; they will fail me, hurt me, betray me, lie to me, deceive me, turn their back on me....but why does it hurt so much. Why can't I just stop looking to man and just look to you? Why do I let these people hurt me and turn my heart hard towards things? Why do I let these people shape who I am? Why do I let them influence what church is supposed to be like? Why do I let them make me question how real You are in our church?

God take my focus off man, take my mind off the things of this world that get me down, and help me to just trust completely in You. You are the only one who can change hearts and lives and make people new. You are the only one who can bring our church back to a place of desperation for You. And God, You are the only one that can use me to make a difference. God help me to help change this world; help me to help change hearts and lives for You; help me to be a better example of who You are. God rise up within me the undying burning passion to see greatness now, not later, but now. I can't rely on anyone else, it starts with me.

People just don't get it anymore. They come to church, do the song and dance, and think that's all there is to it. Then they complain about what's going on with who, what, and where, but what are they doing to make a difference. Nothing. They sit and talk and do the same thing they do every week. Why aren't they begging for more of you? Why aren't they crying out to you in desperation for change? Why do they act like they care, but don't do anything to make a difference? Why!?! I'm so sick of it all....I'm so tired of it...I want change.

Take the anger within me and replace it with passion.....God change me so I can change the world around me. Rise up warriors around me to take a stand for You and to take a stand to pray for change, to pray for greatness, to pray for realness....to pray for true and honest men and women of God. Wake us up God! We are sleeping and we are letting time pass us by and we are watching the lost die without making an effort to reach them. You have called us to do great things and God I want nothing less than that. I'm here; ready, waiting, and crying out to you for more. Use me!

Bring The Rain LyricsMercyMe

I can count a million timesPeople asking me how ICan praise You with all that I've gone throughThe question just amazes meCan circumstances possiblyChange who I forever am in YouMaybe since my life was changedLong before these rainy daysIt's never really ever crossed my mindTo turn my back on you, oh LordMy only shelter from the stormBut instead I draw closer through these timesSo I prayBring me joy, bring me peaceBring the chance to be freeBring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me painBut if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rainI am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me what's a little rain

I'M ENGAGED! From July 3, 2007 - Tuesday

Well Sunday Jordan proposed to me!!!! I can't believe it! I'm engaged! Ah!!! He took me to the Japanese garden in Mishawaka, had beautiful flowers leading up to the bridge where he proposed. He said the most amazing things in the world to me; he cried, I bawled, and then he asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes!!! Then he had me turn around & my family & his family were there watching the whole time! It was absolutely PERFECT and my ring is gorgeous!!!! :) God has given me the best man in the world and is allowing me to share the rest of my life with him. There is no one in the world who could love me better than he does and there is no one in the world I could love more. (Thank you Jesus for giving me the perfect soul mate!) I'm going to be marrying my best friend (don't get jealous Beth, you will always be my best girlfriend)! ;) I just wanted to share this incredible news with all of you! I love you guys!

Who I Admire.... From March 3, 2007 - Saturday

I admire people that call themselves Christian and really live their lives completely for Him. I admire the people who don't act like they love Christ and then act another way 99% of the time. I admire people who call Jesus their best friend and really treat Him like one. I have a hard time trusting in people who do anything but that.

JESUS IS THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE & I WILL NEVER DENY WHO HE IS. I WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM MY ALL & DO WHATEVER I CAN TO SERVE HIM....WHY DO YOU ASK? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ARE CALLED TO DO. WE ARE CALLED TO LIVE FOR HIM, WORSHIP HIM, AND THEN LOOK FORWARD TO SPENDING ETERNITY WITH HIM.

I LOVE JESUS & THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

Rock On From May 20, 2006 - Saturday

Well tonight I had the opportunity to sing a song in concert with a good friend and a great artist. Miss Joanna Martino!!! It was SO much fun!
Joanna sang in concert in Elkhart tonight and had invited me to sing a song with her. It was just a taste of part of God's plan for me. I loved every minute of it and I can't wait to perform some more and to rock on for Jesus!