Well now begins that time that Jordan & I will officially start trying again! Ahh!!! I find myself feeling so many different feelings. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m scared…however, I know all I need to feel is TRUST.
Over the last few months I have learned how to fully trust God with everything in my life especially this. It’s been a whirlwind & it’s been hard. However, I wouldn’t change any of the pain I’ve felt the last year. I have grown so much in my relationship with Him; I fallen more & more in love with Him, and I’ve seen the fruits of my obedience reflected in my marriage, in my attitude, & more importantly in my heart.
We’ve been going through a sermon series on Sundays called The Blessed Life. I have learned a lot about tithe & giving during the series but yesterday God really touched me with the message we watched. Listening to the pastor speak yesterday, my heart was just being tugged & tugged. I’ve had the mindset throughout the series that I need to give more & make sure that my heart is cheerful as I give & also to make sure that my heart is not expecting something from God in return. That’s been hard for me…I want so badly to have a baby & I just keep asking Him “Lord bless us with a baby as we continue to give what is yours back to you.” At the end of the service I was singing & stopped to tell God that I will give Him everything if He asked me to just so that I could have a baby. It was in that moment He clearly told me that I know better than that. I had to stop & think about what He meant. In my usual haste I asked Him what He meant. He spoke to my heart letting me know that all He wants from me is to be completely satisfied with Him with or without a baby. Duh Krista!?!
Over the last few months that’s exactly where I’ve gotten. I’ve become satisfied in my relationship with Him that if it were just me, Him, & Jord the rest of my life, then that would be ok. It’s not the desire of my heart, but I’ve learned to love & trust Him enough to be ok with whatever His will may be.
So after my “duh” moment with God I lifted my hands apologizing for my selfish heart & continued to offer everything I had for His kingdom as long as I had His love & peace upon my life eternally. (Deep down I’m hoping He doesn’t have me give everything though… LOL! What!?! I’m human!) ;)
I’m amazed at the things God teaches us in moments we’d never expect it. He’s amazing! I know I’ve said it plenty, but honestly, I’ll never be able to say it enough.
I’m looking forward to the next couple weeks & months. I’m sure it’ll have it’s ups & down, but I’m going to fully trust in Him & make sure that I keep the fear & anxiety out of my mind that Satan constantly wants me to feel. I trust in God’s will fully and no matter the outcome of this next attempt I will continue to give Him all honor, all glory, and all praise.
Be praying for us as we begin to try again! :) I may not blog for awile depending on how things goes, but I’ll keep you updated as much as I can. I love you all & thank you for following our journey. I pray that my next blog will be full of good news!!
Before I end this post I wanted to share a song that the Lord has placed upon my ears 2 different times in the last week or so. It was a song that when I heard it both times I felt His prescense & knew I was supposed to listen closely. There are a lot of songs like that, but this one definitely hit home & gave me some encouragement.
As I was trying to find it on youtube this morning I found the story behind it. You always imagine that a song that touches your life is meant for you & your situation. Hearing the story behind the song made me realize that God definitely wanted me to hear this song & I’m so thankful He did. Though my situation is completely different than the couple the song was written about I still feel a connection & find even more encouragement in that song than I did. God is so amazing! To be told to abort a pregnancy, then to fully trust God, & then to see His healing hand upon that baby. Wow!! His power is undeniable when we learn to FULLY trust in Him.
I just balled my eyes out listening to that story; not so much b/c of the story, but b/c I was seeing again just how much God wants me to understand the importance of trusting in Him completely. It’s been what He’s taught me most the last few months & it’s what I will continually strive to do.
No matter the situation in your life you must trust Him completely & when you think you have trust Him more.
Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you're going
You just don't know how you'll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on
'Cause there's good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you're going
You just don't know how you'll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on
'Cause there's good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
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