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Mason Jordan Kerns

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A Love Letter.

With my precious little boy almost here I decided I wanted to write him a letter. A letter that I can read to him when he’s here, a letter he can look back on as he gets older, & a letter that will remind us both just how much I love him.

There really is no way of explaining just how much joy & love my heart feels these days. As we get closer to his arrival I get more and more anxious to meet the precious soul that God had entrusted Jordan & I will.

Though the journey to get to this point has been full of many different kinds of tears; I’m so thankful to have gone through all of it. I believe that b/c of all we’ve been through I appreciate this life inside of me so much more & I trust God with him more.

God has been so incredibly faithful to Jordan & I & I’m honored to be able to give Him praise for all the joys in my life. He deserves all the glory!

Just a handful of weeks left until our little man is here! I cannot wait for you all to meet him!

Be praying for our C-section; that everything will be in sync with God’s timing. From the moment this little man is ready to come out to the time my c-section is scheduled, to the time I awake from the procedure to meet him for the first time; just be praying over us all for a completely safe, healthy, and successful procedure.

I look forward to posting pictures of him when he’s here!!

I love you all & I thank you for following along, but more importantly I thank you for all your prayers.

To my precious Mason,

There are not enough words to explain to you how thankful to God I am for you and how much I love you.

You may never understand how great of a miracle you are to your father and I, but just know that you are very special to us. We waited a long time for you to become part of our lives and we count you as the biggest blessing God has given to us thus far.

As I write this letter to you I’m feeling you move and kick all around in my belly. Feeling you move throughout the day has been one of the best feelings in the world to me. Although, your strength sometimes takes my breath away. ;)

These last 8 months have been incredible! J Seeing your heartbeat for the first time, seeing your face on the ultrasound screen, watching you yawn, stretch, and wave to us, feeling your first case of hiccups, watching my belly grow as you grow, and lately feeling you kick my ribs on a daily basis….it’s been amazing and I have loved every second of having you a part of me.

I’m so excited for you to get here so that I can kiss your little cheeks , hold you in my arms, and spend your first moments on this earth lifting you up in prayer to Jesus. I know that a part of me will miss feeling you move around daily inside my belly. My goodness…how I love you so much my beautiful son!

I never realized how much my heart could love something until I became pregnant with you. I love your father so deeply and thought how can I love another soul as much as I love him, but my love for you is completely different than my love for your dad. It’s a new love; a love that has brought new meaning into my life. I have a love so deep for you, my precious Mason that I would do ANYTHING for you. Anything at all.

I want you to know that your father and I will constantly seek the Lord’s guidance while raising you in hopes that we will be the best parents to you as we can be and praying that we make the best decisions for your life. We know that God has an incredible plan for you my sweet little man and we pray that as you grow up through life that you begin to see that plan He’s given to you specifically.

We pray that you understand early just how incredible God’s love is and just how much He loves YOU. You are so very precious to your father and I, but God counts you even more precious than we ever could. He loves you that much.

We want you to know that as your parents we will love and support you no matter what. We believe in you and we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will be an incredible man that will accomplish even more than what we could hope for.

I pray that you will never forget how much I love you and remember that as your mother I will always be here for you; praying for you, supporting you, believing in you, wanting nothing but the best for you. I pray you always find your strength in the Lord and that your heart is constantly filled with joy. There will be hardships along the way, but I pray that in your moments of trial you will know to look to the Lord for strength and know that you can always come to your father and I.

I love you so much Mason Jordan Kerns. You have made my heart so much happier than I ever thought it could be. I will cherish each moment that we share as mother and son. You are my precious baby boy and always will be. I pray you know just how much you mean to me.

With all my love,

Your mother

Psalm 139:13-14  

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Isaiah 49:1-2

 ¹ Listen to me, all you in distant lands!
      Pay attention, you who are far away!
   The Lord called me before my birth;
      from within the womb he called me by name.
 ² He made my words of judgment as sharp as a sword.
      He has hidden me in the shadow of his hand.
      I am like a sharp arrow in his quiver.

Matthew 22:37 

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a]

Totally in love…

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. I’m a slacker I know. ;)

Preparing for Baby Kerns has been a busy thing! There’s so many things you need to get & get done for your first baby & I’m a little overwhelmed. However, I know that God will totally provide in all the areas we need Him to.

Over the last couple months we’ve been busy with our normal everyday things & anticipating the arrival of our little man. J

My tummy has definitely grown in size more & more the last 2 weeks than it has my entire pregnancy I believe. Yet, I’m still in my pre pregnancy jeans so I’m thankful for that. I cannot button them, but hey, who needs to button their pants when they have a Bella Band. So far this has been my favorite piece of clothing throughout my pregnancy. It’s awesome! I recommend it to any pregnant woman. http://www.ingridandisabel.com/bellaband.html

I’m totally loving pregnancy these days, but I find myself very uncomfortable as my belly continues to grow. My back hurts at the end of the day, walking seems like I’m doing a full workout, laying down at night just isn’t the same, my stomach is squished so when I’m hungry I can only put little amounts in otherwise I’m absolutely miserable, & my legs are swelling. All that to say I LOVE IT! I love it all! As I was praying this morning I was not feeling the greatest as my morning sickness has made a slight return every now & then, but I couldn’t help but thank the Lord for all of the things I seem to find myself complaining about lately. How can I not give Him praise even for all the negative things!?! He has blessed me with this incredible baby boy that I’m going to love so much more than I thought my heart could love something in this way.

I’m finding myself falling in love with this precious baby boy & it’s a love that I just cannot explain. As I fall more & more in love with him, I find myself falling more & more in love with my husband, Jordan (http://jkerns.blogspot.com/). My heart is just overflowing with love & it’s the most incredible feeling in the world.

I’m going to be a mom, I’m going to have a son, my husband & I are going to have a family…it’s all so amazing & it’s all because of Jesus! I give Him all the credit b/c He is the one who loved us enough despite all our failures to bless us in such a way.

On another note, there’s been so many other things going on as we are preparing for our little man. Jordan & I have seen so many great things happening in the lives around us & we are also seeing some situations that totally break our heartS into a million pieces. Situations that wear so heavy on us that some days I feel like I can’t breathe. Then I realize that stressing, worrying, & feeling overwhelmed by situations that I cannot change isn’t good for me or for the baby. So I try to chill. I’m learning that not only do I have to trust the Lord with situations in my life; I have to learn to trust Him with situations that aren’t mine. There is power in prayer & I will continue to lift up those around me struggling to find answers & happiness. That’s all I can do at this point. The Lord is faithful & His plan is perfect so I will lean on His word & know that He’s got everything under control.

As I wrap up this blog I wanted to share a link for our maternity photos. Nicole Mehl Photography did an incredible job. She is a very talented photographer & she’s a beautiful person inside & out. If you ever need a photographer check her out! http://www.nicolemehlphotography.com/  Check out some of our photos here: http://www.nicolemehl.com/?p=251

Love you all!

Excitement!!

Well the 6 month mark is here! 24 weeks this week! I can’t believe it! AH! My belly is growing pretty quickly! It’s amazing yet at the same time weird for me…I’m not a huge fan of having a big belly, but I’m thankful to know that there is a beautiful little boy in there & he’s a healthy little guy. So, I’ll enjoy this large bump. ;)

I’m LOVING this 2^nd trimester. I feel great, I’m eating well, I’m enjoying all the wonderful fall activities, & I’m getting more & more excited to see my little man!!!

He is definitely a little squirmier; I feel him moving around all day long. Some days more than others. There are days when it feels like he’s having a dance party. It’s such an incredible feeling. When he’s calm & not moving I actually miss feeling him. L It’s all so new & so weird to me, but so stinking exciting!

You know what I’m most excited about when Mason gets here!?! (Oh gosh…the tears are flowing…my word…hormonal girl over here.) Anyway…I’m sooooooo excited to hold him in my arms, anoint him with oil, & pray over him; my husband, Jordan (http://jkerns.blogspot.com/) & I with Mason together for the first time & spending that first moment with God. That’s what I’m most excited about. It may seem crazy I know, but after all He’s done for us I want the 1^st moment we have as a family to be spent with the God who allowed us to become a family. I can’t wait for Mason to hear the both of us lifting up his life to his Creator & the One that will love him so much more than Jord & I will. I want the 1^st few words that reach his ears outside of the womb to be the words we lift in praise to God. J

Anyway, that’s enough from this emotional girl today! ;)

Here is a shot of apples my hubby took while we were apple picking a couple weekends ago:

Baby Kerns!!!

Ok ok ok…I know…I’m the worst blogger on the face of blog world. I’m such a slacker! ;)

As I’m sure you’ve already guessed by now….I’M PREGNANT!! Ahhhhhhh!!!! The news has been around Twitter, Facebook, & email. Plus considering I’m five months along now I figured most of you know by now.

It’s been so incredible!! I can’t even begin to explain the elation I feel; that Jordan & I both feel!

When we got back from our cruise the 3^rd week of May I slowly started to notice changes in my body & I just knew I was pregnant. I waited to take a pregnancy test until it was 5 days before my period & sure enough on Monday, May 24^th that little digital reader read “PREGNANT”. I was soooo excited!!

I ended up waiting to let Jordan find out until he woke up. I wrote him a sweet little note & left the test on the note for him to see. I wanted him to be able to react to the news w/o feeling like he had to act a certain way in front of me. Even though we both were excited we still had awhile to wait until we knew for sure this was it.

I called the dr. that morning & they scheduled an appt for me that afternoon to come in & learn how to start my Lovenox shots & to have a blood draw. It was really happening again & everything was going so quickly. Which was a great thing!

I started the shots that day & continue to give myself a shot each morning. It was a challenge the first couple days, but now I’ve got the hang of it & don’t mind the few moments of pain it causes. I’ll take any pain as long as I know I get to carry this precious baby full term.

My levels came back that Tuesday the 25^th and they were in the 300s. That’s the highest they had ever been that early so I was hopeful. We repeated the test again that Friday and my levels came back in the 1600s!!! I was so excited. We ended up repeating the test one more time the following Tuesday, June 1^st & my levels shot up to the 6,000s! The nurse said my levels looked great & they were really excited for me. They went ahead & scheduled an ultrasound for me to make sure everything looked good & that the baby was in my uterus this time instead of my tube. So much good news, so many great feelings of emotion, so much changing….this was real & it has been what I’ve prayed for & He was truly blessing us.

I ended up having another ultrasound around week 8 to continue to make sure that everything was looking great and the baby was doing great.

At this point there are so many great things to share so I’ll try to keep it short & sweet.

I’m almost 22 weeks as of today and we are having a healthy baby boy. I had an amniocentesis done to make sure the baby didn’t have Spina Bifida or any other genetic disorders and the results came back showing that our baby boy is completely healthy! He’s growing beautifully and everything is so great!

I had a horrible time with the morning sickness all day and all night up until about week 16. It was not fun and I lost a lot of weight, but praise God it has passed and I’m feeling great now. I’ve really been able to enjoy my pregnancy lately. I’m finally getting used to my growing belly and enjoying the non stop kicking and moving my little man creates inside my tummy.

I will do a better job of blogging this incredible journey! Thank you all so much for following, but more importantly thank you so much for all your prayers!

Week 8

Week 21

The Time Has Come….

Well now begins that time that Jordan & I will officially start trying again! Ahh!!! I find myself feeling so many different feelings. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m scared…however, I know all I need to feel is TRUST.

Over the last few months I have learned how to fully trust God with everything in my life especially this. It’s been a whirlwind & it’s been hard. However, I wouldn’t change any of the pain I’ve felt the last year. I have grown so much in my relationship with Him; I fallen more & more in love with Him, and I’ve seen the fruits of my obedience reflected in my marriage, in my attitude, & more importantly in my heart.

We’ve been going through a sermon series on Sundays called The Blessed Life. I have learned a lot about tithe & giving during the series but yesterday God really touched me with the message we watched. Listening to the pastor speak yesterday, my heart was just being tugged & tugged. I’ve had the mindset throughout the series that I need to give more & make sure that my heart is cheerful as I give & also to make sure that my heart is not expecting something from God in return. That’s been hard for me…I want so badly to have a baby & I just keep asking Him “Lord bless us with a baby as we continue to give what is yours back to you.” At the end of the service I was singing & stopped to tell God that I will give Him everything if He asked me to just so that I could have a baby. It was in that moment He clearly told me that I know better than that. I had to stop & think about what He meant. In my usual haste I asked Him what He meant. He spoke to my heart letting me know that all He wants from me is to be completely satisfied with Him with or without a baby. Duh Krista!?!

Over the last few months that’s exactly where I’ve gotten. I’ve become satisfied in my relationship with Him that if it were just me, Him, & Jord the rest of my life, then that would be ok. It’s not the desire of my heart, but I’ve learned to love & trust Him enough to be ok with whatever His will may be.

So after my “duh” moment with God I lifted my hands apologizing for my selfish heart & continued to offer everything I had for His kingdom as long as I had His love & peace upon my life eternally. (Deep down I’m hoping He doesn’t have me give everything though… LOL! What!?! I’m human!) ;)

I’m amazed at the things God teaches us in moments we’d never expect it. He’s amazing! I know I’ve said it plenty, but honestly, I’ll never be able to say it enough.

I’m looking forward to the next couple weeks & months. I’m sure it’ll have it’s ups & down, but I’m going to fully trust in Him & make sure that I keep the fear & anxiety out of my mind that Satan constantly wants me to feel. I trust in God’s will fully and no matter the outcome of this next attempt I will continue to give Him all honor, all glory, and all praise.

Be praying for us as we begin to try again! :) I may not blog for awile depending on how things goes, but I’ll keep you updated as much as I can. I love you all & thank you for following our journey. I pray that my next blog will be full of good news!!

Before I end this post I wanted to share a song that the Lord has placed upon my ears 2 different times in the last week or so. It was a song that when I heard it both times I felt His prescense & knew I was supposed to listen closely. There are a lot of songs like that, but this one definitely hit home & gave me some encouragement.

As I was trying to find it on youtube this morning I found the story behind it. You always imagine that a song that touches your life is meant for you & your situation. Hearing the story behind the song made me realize that God definitely wanted me to hear this song & I’m so thankful He did. Though my situation is completely different than the couple the song was written about I still feel a connection & find even more encouragement in that song than I did. God is so amazing! To be told to abort a pregnancy, then to fully trust God, & then to see His healing hand upon that baby. Wow!! His power is undeniable when we learn to FULLY trust in Him.

I just balled my eyes out listening to that story; not so much b/c of the story, but b/c I was seeing again just how much God wants me to understand the importance of trusting in Him completely. It’s been what He’s taught me most the last few months & it’s what I will continually strive to do.

No matter the situation in your life you must trust Him completely  & when you think you have trust Him more.

The song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZDQzR8LK-c&NR=1

The story behind this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1ZQKzzyaJI&NR=1

Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now?

Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you're going
You just don't know how you'll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on
'Cause there's good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming


So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the hurt before the healing

Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning